The realisations comes thick and fast. No what am I saying in fact they come slowly and softly more like a mother whispering a lullaby to her new baby rather than a toddler stamping his feet. They keep coming and it's only now I've taken the time to stop they are telling me what I've needed to hear for years. It's okay. It’s actually okay I'm not scared any more. Who am I to judge the things that happened in times gone by. I can still run through the trees with my hair around my shoulders blowing in the wind I can still speak with you on Sundays and hold your hand under the blankets. We can still speak Japanese and pretend we don't hear them. I can still drink my cup of tea and pretend I'm the queen. I can eat my breakfast in front of them all and no one even notices that it’s me. Yes the one who used to hide and never seek for this way of life. I'm half way over the fence and I'm enjoying the feeling. Knowing you are on the other side patiently waiting for me playing in the leaves.