There is a sense of relief, walking through the empty spaces. There are so many things I can do, no one can see me and I am free. I have a mission and you are not the one to know what these things are for me to do. My fingers are numb and want to break free. The mark on my wrist gives me an edge. I don't know what it is. I always like the marks and things that are worn in. The box is too small for me now, I've broken through the edges and its feels strange but in a good way like something new is happening and I like it. I like the taste of things that are yet to come. The unknown is exciting and revealing something that no bodies can capture. I like things to be let to there own devices. So much can happen in this unknown space. Its where dreams are made. That dream I had when I was 5 that kept repeating itself and there was a cat in my garden that refuses to leave. I tried to chase him but he somehow managed to get away but still stay in the garden. It makes no sense in that way that dreams manage to. It feels good and Im calling out for more. Give me more so I can bathe in the goodness of all these beautiful things I thought I had lost along the way. Im running towards them and who knows what will happen.
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I open it up and it all comes flooding back. I'm sorry I left you for so long. But you are not what I thought. You were here waiting patiently for me to realise that this will never go away. My mind is filled with ideas again and its so simple once I allow myself the time to indulge. I will be back more often that is what I promise. But for now lets enjoy the feeling of the rain falling on my face ever so softly. I love dancing in the rain. Its that feeling that I can't describe. Its too good to be true and so are you. Its dripping down my neck and down my spine. I wish for all the things I see in my dreams to come back to me once again. And I'm running, running towards all that is good for me. Its happening its really really happening. A smile creeps in and you turn away.
The air is getting clearer each and every day. I always like days like today. I woke up late and sat beside the open window. The breeze is caressing my face I can hear distance sounds of children playing. I feel free like no one is needing or wanting any thing from me. This feels good like when I dip my hand deep into the sand. Its my secret. The breeze is warm and I'm walking bare foot down the path that leads to where you are. You are always there standing waiting with a big grin on your face. You make your way to that swing we both love and we laugh out loud like children. I could stay here for hours singing lullaby's into the well hoping our dreams and secrets reach the bottom and are safe there. I always wanted to reach the bottom but its too far down and your arms are not long enough to reach and neither are mine. I try with my foot and point my toes but that doesn't work either. You hold your wet hand out to touch my hair but I'm already climbing that old tree we love. The one with branches that are breaking with every step. You follow me up as we reach towards the limitless sky. We hug and know we can do anything. Even though we are older now. Our dreams are still there waiting for us to pick them up and fly away. I drop a leaf down towards the dirty ground and I let go. I'm falling through the air and I fear nothing. You will be there to catch me like you always do.
It happened so fast. I wasn't sure somehow at first but then I was certain. You seemed different. The leaves were falling off their branches and I was running away from you. I almost managed it then you caught me. That was years ago and now we are grey and old. My face has wrinkles and I finally look my age. Some how the years caught up with me in the end. But it's better this way. I like it better than before. I'm more myself than I ever was without the wrinkles and all the scars. They cover my body like tattoos. You trace them with your fingers and push your glasses up your nose. I'm wringing out the old cloth to wipe the mess that was left behind. Your voice is getting quieter and quieter until one day it stops and I'm left with the space where you used to be. I'm always leaving and never arriving. You are always arriving and never leaving. One day my darling we will be together again for now in my dreams will have to do. I hold your glasses in my hand and fall asleep to be next to you again.
There is a knot in the wire. You think that is so easy to undo it but my darling you are wrong. It's not as easy as it used to be. Things are getting harder and harder these days. There are the times when things are falling out of my window and I want to try and stop them but its no use. The are always out of reach. It hurts but its the truth. The truth is banging on the window like a bird who will not stop singing in my ear.
My ears are hurting from all of the chaos that surrounds us. It's there and nothing can break it down. My socks are wet again, I always walk in the puddles no matter how many times or whatever I do to try to dodge them, it happens. I'm used to it now. I like being bare foot and walking around like nothing matters. The chaos is calling my name again and I'm running down the street and I almost make it out of site and then it catches up with me as though its faster somehow. It's probably because I'm running in slow motion like the way it happens in my dreams. No matter how hard I push my body refuses to budge and keeps going at this monotonous pace. My dreams are filled with beauty and the things that past us by and are yet to come. I can hear the sounds of the treadmill buzzing in the background and coming up through the floor boards. You are hiding aways again in the basement. Who knows what you are doing down there but it makes me smile that you have your projects and I have mine. That's what I like about us. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
December 2019
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