That word. That time. You me and a big jack in a box or was it a pirate ship? I can't quite remember but I know how it felt. I always know how it feels. I can never escape the feelings. Some people can easily block it away. Well I've been running my whole life and now there are no distractions and I have to face myself. The balloon has burst and its messy like that game on fun house. We used to watch it religiously when we were kids and you always wanted to be one of the twins and I wanted to be Pat Sharp. I don't know why but it just made sense somehow in my mind. It must have been his 80s mullet or bad choice of clothes.

But we don't live on the same street anymore and all those things I use to hate I'm starting to fall in love with. I'm clinging on to them and trying to get back to before. I've lost a part of myself and I'm slowly turning into something else. It's okay. I'm used to it now. Quick give me back my balloon I need to cover my face. The mask is slipping through and I can't cover quite the mistakes like I used to. They are all over the pavement for everyone to see. Distract them while I cover up the mess.

One of my legs is hanging off. I'm not sure how it got to this but we are here. We are here and you are hiding around the back like you always do. I'm not sure why you do it but it's a habit that you started way back when we were kids and now it's something I don't notice so much or think is strange. In fact its one of the things I like about you the most. We are hiding out and you are calling my name, not my real one but the nickname you gave to me that year when all the trees and plants died in our garden. No one knows about our secrets. No one knows about the things we do and I like it that way. Let's take all our clothes off and run into the water. First I want to dip my toe in and we will dive right in. I'm holding your hand underneath the water like I always do. I said I was sorry about yesterday but you can't hear me any more. You swam too far away and now a storm is coming. I'm scared I will not be able to reach you any more. Come back to me. Come back to me and let's tell each other things we don't tell anyone else. I'm waiting for you.

I was running through the empty streets. It was so dark except for the flickering of the old lamp post. I knew you wouldn't come so I went without you. Its always better that way. It hurts but I know its the right thing to let you go. I'm not the same when you're around. I can't quite put my finger on what it is but some thing's not quite right. I feel the leaves fall through my fingers as I reach out towards the bushes its wet and cold just like our house is. Something changed that day I knew it would. But I couldn't quite help it. It felt like I was holding my breath and if I did so for any longer I would have dropped down dead. So I blurted it out and I shocked myself. 

And we are here again. Yes I know, again. Who would believe it. You know it and I know it. Its the same old thing. Its pulling at my sleeves, tugging at my ankles and trying to get into my right shoe. I tuck my trousers into my socks to try to stop it. But its no use. They are always sneaking around thats what they do. Any possible way to make themselves heard.  The colours are so vibrant. And all I can hear is screaming. My ears of bleeding from the incessent noise its relentless. It makes me sad and I want to cry. But its no use I can't. The tears they will not come. Its not the time nor the place for things such as these. I'm walking down that same old street, the cracks in the pavement bring me comfort.
Everyone around me is talking in ways I dont understand. I can't quite grasp it and why it feels like this.
How can we wish for it to be any different? That smell that beautiful smell I can't get enough of and I'm calm again.
I'm laughing and I can't stop myself. And I'm finally free.