LAUREN HART
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      • EDUCATION
      • THEATRE >
        • I'M NOT (T)HERE ANYMORE REVIEW
        • MY HEAD IS AN ANIMAL REVIEW
        • THIS IS MINE. WHAT'S YOURS? REVIEW
        • PORI THEATRE FESTIVAL REVIEW
        • NOT THE SAME ANYMORE Review
        • TIME WITHOUT BEGINNING REVIEW
        • THIS IS NOT THE WAY REVIEW
        • UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN REVIEW
  • PERFORMANCES
    • CURRENT >
      • A song only you can hear
      • sleeping with a fridge
    • SOLO PERFORMANCES >
      • I'M NOT (T)HERE ANYMORE
      • THIS IS MINE. WHAT'S YOURS?
      • THE WAY THINGS NEEDED TO BE
      • THE EDGE OF OTHER PEOPLES LIVES
      • MY HEAD IS AN ANIMAL
      • THIS IS BECOMING
      • TURNING
      • I AM
      • THIS IS NOT THE WAY
    • COLLABORATIONS >
      • FANG LU
      • SAHARA THE DESERT PROJECT
      • NOT THE SAME ANYMORE
      • STAINLESS
      • LIVES IN ART
      • THE OTHER INTERIOR
      • THE TIME IS 15:15
      • BODIES IN URBAN SPACES
      • TRANQUIL
      • THE MOMENT IT STOPPED
      • DO BE GOOD TO ME
      • BUT IT'S NOT ME
      • I SAID NOTHING
      • IF YOU ASK ME. I WILL TELL YOU.
      • THE OTHER WAY WORKS
      • SWITCH OFF THE LIGHTs
      • TIME WITHOUT BEGINNING
      • UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN
  • PROJECTS
    • Young people Theatre workshops
    • ACTING FOR beginners ADULTS
    • DEVISING THEATRE workshops
    • CREATIVE PRACTICE GROUP
    • WORKSHOPS FOR SCHOOLS
  • CREATIVE WRITING
  • GALLERY

CREATIVE WRITING

THE BALLOON HAS BURST

15/11/2016

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That word. That time. You me and a big jack in a box or was it a pirate ship? I can't quite remember but I know how it felt. I always know how it feels. I can never escape the feelings. Some people can easily block it away. Well I've been running my whole life and now there are no distractions and I have to face myself. The balloon has burst and its messy like that game on fun house. We used to watch it religiously when we were kids and you always wanted to be one of the twins and I wanted to be Pat Sharp. I don't know why but it just made sense somehow in my mind. It must have been his 80s mullet or bad choice of clothes.

But we don't live on the same street anymore and all those things I use to hate I'm starting to fall in love with. I'm clinging on to them and trying to get back to before. I've lost a part of myself and I'm slowly turning into something else. It's okay. I'm used to it now. Quick give me back my balloon I need to cover my face. The mask is slipping through and I can't cover quite the mistakes like I used to. They are all over the pavement for everyone to see. Distract them while I cover up the mess.
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one of my legs is hanging off

15/11/2016

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One of my legs is hanging off. I'm not sure how it got to this but we are here. We are here and you are hiding around the back like you always do. I'm not sure why you do it but it's a habit that you started way back when we were kids and now it's something I don't notice so much or think is strange. In fact its one of the things I like about you the most. We are hiding out and you are calling my name, not my real one but the nickname you gave to me that year when all the trees and plants died in our garden. No one knows about our secrets. No one knows about the things we do and I like it that way. Let's take all our clothes off and run into the water. First I want to dip my toe in and we will dive right in. I'm holding your hand underneath the water like I always do. I said I was sorry about yesterday but you can't hear me any more. You swam too far away and now a storm is coming. I'm scared I will not be able to reach you any more. Come back to me. Come back to me and let's tell each other things we don't tell anyone else. I'm waiting for you.
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empty streets

15/11/2016

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I was running through the empty streets. It was so dark except for the flickering of the old lamp post. I knew you wouldn't come so I went without you. Its always better that way. It hurts but I know its the right thing to let you go. I'm not the same when you're around. I can't quite put my finger on what it is but some thing's not quite right. I feel the leaves fall through my fingers as I reach out towards the bushes its wet and cold just like our house is. Something changed that day I knew it would. But I couldn't quite help it. It felt like I was holding my breath and if I did so for any longer I would have dropped down dead. So I blurted it out and I shocked myself. 
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We are here again

15/11/2016

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And we are here again. Yes I know, again. Who would believe it. You know it and I know it. Its the same old thing. Its pulling at my sleeves, tugging at my ankles and trying to get into my right shoe. I tuck my trousers into my socks to try to stop it. But its no use. They are always sneaking around thats what they do. Any possible way to make themselves heard.  The colours are so vibrant. And all I can hear is screaming. My ears of bleeding from the incessent noise its relentless. It makes me sad and I want to cry. But its no use I can't. The tears they will not come. Its not the time nor the place for things such as these. I'm walking down that same old street, the cracks in the pavement bring me comfort.
Everyone around me is talking in ways I dont understand. I can't quite grasp it and why it feels like this.
How can we wish for it to be any different? That smell that beautiful smell I can't get enough of and I'm calm again.
I'm laughing and I can't stop myself. And I'm finally free.
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it's the feelings again

15/11/2016

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Yes it’s the feeling again, written all over the floor I want to write all over your walls and never come back. But I always end up back here with one shoe missing and the other broken. I lost my laces somewhere along the way. Everything passes by in a blur like when I was inside that balloon. Why do they always take over and cover my ears so I can't hear things properly. They distract me and lead me back to you. Then the balloon pops and I'm back. Back to me who knows exactly what I need without any ones approval. It's the feelings again. They come back every now again and they take over. It’s beyond reason and I know it’s hard for you to understand But what can I say? It’s the feelings again. I've always been this way. I change and they come back. I stay they same and they are with me hiding in my pockets and up my sleeves. It’s like when I turn the taps off and it’s keep dripping out and then it’s turning red and it’s everywhere. All over the bathroom floor like and you would have thought it would never disappear. I love the colour red. It’s just well you know, how can I say? What I mean is, it just gives me that feeling. You know the one. Yes. That one.

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i'm half way over the fence

15/11/2016

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The realisations comes thick and fast. No what am I saying in fact they come slowly and softly more like a mother whispering a lullaby to her new baby rather than a toddler stamping his feet. They keep coming and it's only now I've taken the time to stop they are telling me what I've needed to hear for years. It's okay. It’s actually okay I'm not scared any more. Who am I to judge the things that happened in times gone by. I can still run through the trees with my hair around my shoulders blowing in the wind I can still speak with you on Sundays and hold your hand under the blankets. We can still speak Japanese and pretend we don't hear them. I can still drink my cup of tea and pretend I'm the queen. I can eat my breakfast in front of them all and no one even notices that it’s me. Yes the one who used to hide and never seek for this way of life. I'm half way over the fence and I'm enjoying the feeling. Knowing you are on the other side patiently waiting for me playing in the leaves.
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