I am sifting through all that is before us and it touches everything and nothing at the same time. You are there, you have always been part of me. We re-meet after all this time, life times have seen us together in the way you can not even begin to understand. The breeze is caressing my face and I want you again. I can't get enough. I just want to be near you and feel like home again, that familiar feeling of the way you look at me and I know we have been this way before. The song is playing in the distant and we crank up the volume and let the sounds embody all that we know is true but not. You are sitting on the edge and I pull you close. I have your back and you have mine in a way that is different somehow. We smile as we know that this is not like hanging your washing on the line like everyone else. These moments come thick, fast and naturally as though we were making a cup of tea for a garden of people all waiting for us to say the words which is underneath everyone's breath. We will get there in time, patience my darling. I am always happy to wait as long as it takes.
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There are a few things left unsaid and it’s kind of funny somehow. We saved them, ready for next time. There is always something to say and there is always a next time. That's what I like about this. The seasons looks good on you. You wear it with ease, the atmosphere around you is deafening and you just take it in your stride. There are some who can not be the way you are. I feel that this was always going to happen. A deep sense of knowing, like the truth is difficult to hide especially in the finer moments. The carpet is full with all the things everyone else has tried to hide and stuffed underneath in a last minute attempt to hide all that is true. We don't need to hide. That's what I like the most. The realness brings a sense of freedom like eating strawberries in winter which may seem strange buts its our way of knowing. Explanations are not needed here. The fridge is working normally now as though it was waiting for you. Dust is settling, carry on coming back to me in the moment before it begins.
I am living in a dream that looks and appears to you as though it is not one. But secretly you will come to find just like me that this is all we ever had. The moments that are between us are rich and varied just how I like. I breath in the softness that surrounds you and always feel at home. It is calm and safe just like that day when I was younger and knew that this world was made for me. Another world another space exists. We both knew it back then when we were in different places, in the same one somehow. The trees in the forest covered us from view and the people were calling to us over and over. They thought we were lost but as we both know we have never been lost just blind to what was in front of us all along.
I feel like I am floating and everyone else is all around me are like petals in the wind. This has happened in the moment before when you left me and whispered all of your secrets into the distance. These of the times and days in which we have everything and nothing all at once. Our lives are intertwined and the water is dripping through the ceiling and you are swimming on the floor. It appears odd but makes sense all the same. It always makes sense to me, the things you do are speaking in a language we both understand and is above the streets where no one knows your name. We hang our washing on the line and watch as it blows in the breeze. My favourite is the jumper you have had for years, there is a hole in the sleeve but we know this is part of what our lives are made up of and it needs to remain this way for all of time. The colour looks good on you as do most things. I watch you as the children are laughing at a joke you made and I take a photo in my mind to capture the moment of our lives. I am floating and you are holding me lightly in a way I like so I don't drift away into the distance. Always is a word we both decide to choose to be.
Something is knocking on my window again like a sign you are thinking of me. Music is playing softly in the background and I am feeling everything all at once. The rug is bursting at the seems trying to hide all of the truth no body wants to know. They all can see but are closing one eye and trying not to look out of the other in a desperate last attempt to pretend it is not happening. It is like a magic carpet that is constantly moving from underneath our feet. It is happening all around us. Time doesn't stop for us. But its like being in a dream with you, everything is real but other worldly like how I always wanted it to be. Smiling is something I am doing more often. The tap is leaking again, that same one. The one you have fixed for the millionth time, it's funny somehow that you never seem to get mad like the others. It's like a weekly occurrence that we both seem to enjoy the mundane tasks that make up the pieces of our lives. Fix the tap again and come running into my arms where you have always belonged but finally I am ready for you.
No matter how long it’s been things just carry on without you. Everything looks the same but its the feeling that different. Like it was dream and it was someone else's life, not mine. Now I am back but there is a film covering everything. Maybe it could be a way to protect myself from you, from it all. Or maybe its just different now as, I moved to another place in more ways than one. I know the universe has my back and if I stumble across your path then so be it. I know it is what we always wanted it to be. The ghosts from the past are floating away from us now and we are free.
There is a sense of calm in the room when ever you are around. The ways you see the world is so incredibly appealing. We have similar minds and you are the one scratching away the surface to make sure you see the depths of where this could go. Most only go so far then give up half way. The obstacles are clinging onto you, begging you to stop. But you know better than them. It’s a secret that only a few know and we are happy to share if only they will listen. But nobody is listening, too busy choosing a different way of life, distracting themselves underneath the water. It covers their faces like a barrier and you can not reach them, no one can. My barriers are disappearing and the cracks are showing up in the pavement and then everything changes, even that old mirror we thought never would.
You are looking and searching for things in all the wrong places. Some would call it barking up the wrong tree. But you my darling are in the wrong forest. I can see it all clearly mapped out and I am scratching away the pieces bit by bit. The feeling is in my head but also my heart. The strangers on the bridge are a reminder of the possibility of all things. Honesty is something we are both scared of. I’m passing by and you will never know I’m just around the corner. I’m not sure you will want me anymore but I wait secretly in hope. I lost a shoe in a way that seems ridiculous and I’m searching for it all over again. I think it fell in the water and sank to the bottom. I swim to the bottom and found you there.
The time have gone by in a instance and we are here again. I can't quite see through the mist, a branch is in the way as usual. The same things on repeat like a broken record that you refused to stop playing. She is growing older each day and I know you miss her since you are not around to see the moments we capture underneath hidden by the water. Its okay, I know I'm okay, as for you my darling well you are responsible for when you choose to return to us. The candle is still lit in the back room of our house in case this has the power to control everything. I am standing one foot in and one foot out as usual, you know me well. Smiling because you wouldn't have it any other way. We are getting older and she looks more like you as the days more forward to the ones we always wanted.
Polaroids of the others are scattered all over the ground. The bed is messy the way we like it. In my dreams you visit me and are whispering all the things you don't tell anyone else. I want to tell you all the things I can't tell anyone else. You are always there longing to reach out with your ear pressed up against the wall but you don't. I'm not sure why, things changed and so did you. An imaginary cut like those giant ribbons that celebrate the opening on new things. I see this is what happened. Its okay, it always is because I know I am still here reaching out to you in our dreams where we meet every time in that same space next to that old wooden box. The one we scratched our names into the back. Some things can not be forgotten no matter how far along the line we go. The water is inviting us in again and we cover ourselves with the water and laugh. We are always laughing in my dreams. Keep smiling things will make it back to how they were. Never worry my darling, you know this to be true
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AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
June 2019
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