I am here waiting and waiting. The timing seems to be working on our side. There is never a dull moment and I am sure you are believing in the things that appear unreal like that clock that we watch everyday, it stopped years ago but we sit and wait. Your face is looking a little different these days. Time is a funny thing, it is like wearing your best clothes and having no one to wear them for. Why do we wait until the things have turned bitter in order to be real? The realness is everything I am yearning for yet wait until the time is right. I am wearing all my best clothes now. The tap has stop dripping and the noise in the distant is getting fainter as each moment is passing us by. I see the things that others don't notice and we laugh at the same things. Our minds are drifting off to sleep and resting ready for the big one to come along. I know it is true for you and not for them. The light is getting brighter for us. Letting it all go is when it all begins. You are always on the other side without me.
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I have a voice that comes from everywhere but my mouth. Its calling out to every other place in a last attempt in order to be heard. It is the way things needed to be, to keep things safe in a way that makes sense to those that pay close attention. The leaves have started to fall in my garden and I can’t hear you any more. There is something in the distance but it doesn’t bother me much now. I know I am safe once I step outside. Who will hear you when you scream?
We are standing on top of a star, wishing things in to existence for all that we know it to be true. I am holding on lightly in order not to grasp too tightly the way I have in the past. The block is there and is becoming less the more I look at it. There is a large circle in front of me, underneath is where the magic begins. You are always there supporting the best to emerge. In a sense we are free to see whatever we want to see. Your hand reaches out for mine and I know it is happening just they way it is meant to. Go for things that bring you joy and the rest will follow. There are things we are yet to say but I tell you every night in my dreams. We shall meet again there and we will hear all the things we have always wanted
This is all that is needed. It is clear to me and to you that we are both on the same side. I hold your hand and send a wish that reaches across to the other side. The leaves are holding it all in place in a way that feels right. It is everything we wish it to be. And we hold on softly and gently enough to allow those around us to join. Opening one door allows so many more to follow after. I am following the steps and you have your own path. But we are facing the same way and all things are golden like in the olden days. I wear a crown to see if I feel any different and know that is all on the inside any way. I have everything I need, how will it all manifest? I’m excited to see and we laugh knowing we both are in this together
The same sentence repeats itself in the moments in between sleep and waking. It is heard by us all. If you are still enough you can hear me, I am in the shadows again, alone and walking barefoot in the sand. You are there holding my hand in our dreams. I like the way it feels in the blissful time where time stands still and speeds up all the same. I am falling ever so deeply and you can tell but we don't say a thing. We just have that look and that means everything, no one else knows, this is what is feels like to finally understand. Everyone else is rushing around the place, breaking things as they pass, they don't have time to stop and listen. Time has stood still and we are facing the same direction side by side, I whisper in your ear and you smile and laugh and time continues.
I'm holding on with my little finger in a last ditch attempt to see if it fits. Some things are necessary to let go, refresh and start again. The plants are in every inch of our house now and its important to me somehow to acknowledge how things have changed. A sense of peace washes over us each time we see the truth. Its always there if we take the time to look for it. My eyes are seeing things as though for the first time again and I thank you in my dreams. My heart is always there waiting for you patiently. When you are ready you take a last glance and jump right in. I can't help smiling as you are looking my way again and we sink deeper into the truth that is all around us. I'm falling and so are you. Circles follow us and are here with me now.
Things are wasted if we let them go by without learning the lesson we have been waiting years to learn. You have found this out the hard way and I feel for you. I hold your hand in the way only we know how. It only works one way. I like this about you and few hundred other things. You are standing there and making a joke. The jokes are all around us and we grasp at them as though they are air to our lungs the humour belongs to us in a way it didn't for them. Those people are all around us and nowhere to be found. I am holding the hairbrush as a sign I am back to those days making dance routines up in my bedroom and you were on the other side standing on one leg being stubborn as always. It makes me laugh we knew we were together all along even when we were back then as children. The younger versions of ourselves knew this long before we did. The union brings us peace and can be found in nothing else. The coat hanger is left alone and is the last one left hanging in that old wardrobe we left behind as a sign we have been there before we made it to our house in the distance hiding in between the trees.
There is something blocking the way. I have felt it many times and so have you. These thoughts come thick and fast as though we are on a train speeding across the Siberian desert with our arms waving around at no one. And we realise we were made for this. I am alone in a crowded room and you are on the other side. I can see you through the film that covers my face but its blurry as though you are in a dream and I am not. We are on the opposite sides of the truth and that familiar feeling comes a long again and I can see that we are free again. I see you in my dreams but can no longer reach and touch you until the moments come and you return again. The camera frames your face in a way that makes sense and I am capturing the moments of our lives like never before. We wake and smile that we are both here together in the same place where we belong.
In the way we know how. The pile of books are stacking up and you know better than I do that this is just way things have to be. It would be impossible to change the things that make us who we are. I never want to make you have to change in order for this to work in a way where the trees have said goodbye to us all. The magnets on the fridge are silly somehow, so many moments that others would miss is what makes us who we are. The feeling goes beyond anything we have ever known and I am holding you the way I do. The leaves are gold and painted all over the place. We see signs in the places we find ourselves in. We are running towards it all, without a care in the world.We are whispering in the dark as though its a secret somehow we know all the truths there are to be told. Hold my hand and lets delve a little deeper, in the way we like.
They look at me and it feels like being in a house that no one wants to live in. Everything is all over the floor even the fish are out of the tank, flapping away and taking their last breath. You know better than anyone the mess makes it all stop. The things that work have ceased to exist as we are living in a story in our own minds. People are singing in the old abandoned church around the corner or is it coroner and I can hear them and wish I was part of what they are doing some how. I can hear the songs from my childhood memories where you were there and but also not, we have met many times and this is just another time we come together. This lifetime is another chance for us to hold each other and sleep soundly holding everything in our tightly in our hearts and lightly in our hands. Will you be there when things are different?
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AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
December 2019
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