I am here and nowhere to be found. Everywhere and no where. These contractions are what follow us around like a shadow we don't want to see so we keep looking the other way. You are on the side of her and I can't face you anymore. My voice can not be heard. I am invisible. My face is glowing these days. I am reaching out to the ones who know the truth. These days are saving me like the patterns I used to trace along your face. I can no longer remember the way you were before. The loneliness doesn't knock at my door any longer and joy fills my heart. These days treat me well. In a way that no one believed was possible. I always believed and held out hope it would come. This ones for me.
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I am leaning in more and we are moving into something. This is learning all the same. I have all the words and none at all. The spaces are being filled with the things I like. You are in my dreams again, visiting me again like before. We are always as we were back before time began and you knew me well. The string connects everything as we weave in and out of the places of our lives. We will meet again when the time is right. Time is always on our side like the stars. You are always in between these things. The sand slips through my fingers as we become more than the life we had when no one knew our names. It keeps us grounded and we wish them well.
There is something I am saying in ways they don't understand. It is that feeling you know deep down is right. Will you whisper into the darkness or skirt around it? Denying these things makes them scream louder and louder. I am sure of it in more ways than one. You are hiding again and burying it all deep underground. The moon shines brightly and can see through everything. My thoughts drift away into the night and dawn is fast approaching us. I no longer feel like death is creeping up on us. I am swimming in my thoughts and sailing through the memories. I keep them loosely folded. This is not what it seems. You are never what you seem. I am appearing in all the places I have been before but not really noticed before. I am noticing you and everything is leaning towards the truth. The honesty and openness of it all it what I like most. I said goodbye to the old me and welcomed all that is new and all that is wanted and sacred.
I am leaning in more and we are moving into something. This is learning all the same. I have all the words and none at all. The spaces are being filled with the things I like. You are in my dreams again, visiting me again like before. We are always as we were back before time began and you knew me well. The string connects everything as we weave in and out of the places of our lives. We will meet again when the time is right. Time is always on our side like the stars. You are always in between these things. The sand slips through my fingers as we become more than the life we had when no one knew our names. It keeps us grounded and we wish them well.
Starting over in an attempt to find you again. The loneliness takes cover. My ears are ringing again and I can't hear you anymore. I am out at sea and nothing is reaching me. I have to remain strong and make my way back to you. I will overcome these things that hold me back and return new and fresh in a way I think you will like. I know you have stopped thinking of me often, this saddens my heart more than most. I can feel it in my bones that you no longer look at me in the same way. The way you are facing seems to be coming up against everything I thought would keep us together. I am holding on for one last time. Kiss me under the covers and lets hide like we used to do. I will hide your name and pretend we are not who we are supposed to be. This is music to my ears. I will catch you when you fall and be waiting for you always at the bottom or is it top? Come back to me and whisper our secret code or send it across the sea. The boats has stopped coming and turned to face someone else. I am hoping this is not the same for you.
I am here waiting and waiting. The timing seems to be working on our side. There is never a dull moment and I am sure you are believing in the things that appear unreal like that clock that we watch everyday, it stopped years ago but we sit and wait. Your face is looking a little different these days. Time is a funny thing, it is like wearing your best clothes and having no one to wear them for. Why do we wait until the things have turned bitter in order to be real? The realness is everything I am yearning for yet wait until the time is right. I am wearing all my best clothes now. The tap has stop dripping and the noise in the distant is getting fainter as each moment is passing us by. I see the things that others don't notice and we laugh at the same things. Our minds are drifting off to sleep and resting ready for the big one to come along. I know it is true for you and not for them. The light is getting brighter for us. Letting it all go is when it all begins. You are always on the other side without me.
I have a voice that comes from everywhere but my mouth. Its calling out to every other place in a last attempt in order to be heard. It is the way things needed to be, to keep things safe in a way that makes sense to those that pay close attention. The leaves have started to fall in my garden and I can’t hear you any more. There is something in the distance but it doesn’t bother me much now. I know I am safe once I step outside. Who will hear you when you scream?
We are standing on top of a star, wishing things in to existence for all that we know it to be true. I am holding on lightly in order not to grasp too tightly the way I have in the past. The block is there and is becoming less the more I look at it. There is a large circle in front of me, underneath is where the magic begins. You are always there supporting the best to emerge. In a sense we are free to see whatever we want to see. Your hand reaches out for mine and I know it is happening just they way it is meant to. Go for things that bring you joy and the rest will follow. There are things we are yet to say but I tell you every night in my dreams. We shall meet again there and we will hear all the things we have always wanted
This is all that is needed. It is clear to me and to you that we are both on the same side. I hold your hand and send a wish that reaches across to the other side. The leaves are holding it all in place in a way that feels right. It is everything we wish it to be. And we hold on softly and gently enough to allow those around us to join. Opening one door allows so many more to follow after. I am following the steps and you have your own path. But we are facing the same way and all things are golden like in the olden days. I wear a crown to see if I feel any different and know that is all on the inside any way. I have everything I need, how will it all manifest? I’m excited to see and we laugh knowing we both are in this together
The same sentence repeats itself in the moments in between sleep and waking. It is heard by us all. If you are still enough you can hear me, I am in the shadows again, alone and walking barefoot in the sand. You are there holding my hand in our dreams. I like the way it feels in the blissful time where time stands still and speeds up all the same. I am falling ever so deeply and you can tell but we don't say a thing. We just have that look and that means everything, no one else knows, this is what is feels like to finally understand. Everyone else is rushing around the place, breaking things as they pass, they don't have time to stop and listen. Time has stood still and we are facing the same direction side by side, I whisper in your ear and you smile and laugh and time continues.
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AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
March 2020
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